Text & Subtext
The language I chose in the opening scene of 'Escape' is raw and naughty. On the one hand, I wanted to illustrate Lisa Arnold's hopeless situation, on the other hand, I wanted to underline the danger posed by the two characters Spyder and Donkey Kong (whom we later meet as Ronald and Lacey).An acquaintance of mine felt personally offended by this language: "The story is good, but these expressions!" To clarify this briefly: As a writer, you have to choose the language you feel is appropriate for your character. If you get the 'tone' of a character wrong, the reader will 'hear' that the character sounds 'fake'. (The dialogues of numerous telenovelas and soaps - and, unfortunately, many German television dramas - use this methodology. The characters in them recite their lines, which may look good in print, but a normal person would never say so in that situation. The reason for this is that the viewers of these programmes should be able to follow the content if they don't look at the screen while ironing. Well, personally I would advocate creating stories that captivate you so much that you put the iron aside, but unfortunately many German TV makers think their audience is just as stupid as they think they are. That's why so many American series are more popular in Germany than German series). My two bad boys speak the language that I think such uncouth characters should speak. Ever since Roland Barthes dispelled the myth in his book The Death of the Author that the author of a text is as important as the text itself, there's really no need to discuss these issues any more, but in the example with my acquaintance, I've seen for myself that you always have to explain that the views and language of characters in the stories you make up have nothing to do with your own views and language.To illustrate my point, here again are a couple of examples:
First, a scene from Thomas Thiemeyer's 'Medusa' (2004). We are in the Sahara. Archaeologist Hannah Peters is visited by expedition leader Irene Clairmont:
"Dr Peters, at last we meet." Her voice sounded deeper than on television. "I can't tell you how pleased I am."
They exchanged a warm handshake.
"I'm terribly uncomfortable about us barging in here like this. I can imagine the effect it must have on you. And then with these hideous boxes," she pointed to the cars. "Sponsored by American Motors General. There's nothing you can do about it." She shrugged. "But let's move on to more pleasant things. May I call you by your first name?"
"I'd be happy to," Hannah replied, before she was clear whether she even wanted to. But this woman's openness was overwhelming in a positive way. Irene Clairmont had charisma, that much was certain. The wrinkles around her mouth suggested a certain hardness, but her demeanour was all-round sympathetic.
"I am pleased too, Irene. We saw your plane two days ago. Was there any trouble with the authorities?" The expedition leader waved her hand.
"The usual. Cumbersome registration formalities, expensive expedition clearance certificates, filming permits and lots of supply problems. You see the equipment and then the haggling starts. With the country practically in civil war, the formalities have become even more complicated. President Bouteflika and the generals, whose puppet he has made himself, have long since divided the cake among themselves, but they cannot agree on who should get the biggest piece. Basically, the game is played the same way in most countries of the world. One way or another. Let's move on to more pleasant things."
Basically, everything is fine with this scene. Two women meet, introduce themselves and hold a neat conversation. Along the way, information about the 'setting', the environment of the story, is woven in. Thiemeyer is not a successful author for nothing. But what bothers me personally about this form of dialogue is that it contains no subtext at all.The subtext of a scene is what a scene is actually about, but what is not said in the dialogue. We as readers have to guess, or feel, the subtext of a scene.Thiemeyer has to explain to us that Hannah feels a bit run over by Irene. Information (which is undoubtedly important to the story, or at least important enough to the author that the reader needs to read it) is shared, but little is revealed about the emotions of the characters. To clarify what I mean, here is a scene from David Baldacci's 'The Killer' (2012).
We are in Washington. Robie, working in secret as a hitman, meets a young woman named Annie Lambert while working out in the gym of his apartment building. Here is an excerpt from the dialogue. Robie begins:
"A hard day at the office? Where do you work?"
"At the White House."
"Fact? Pretty impressive."
"Some days it seems anything but impressive. What about you?"
"Investments."
"Are you with one of those big consulting firms?"
"No, self-employed. Always have been." Robie draped the towel over his shoulders.
"Well, I'll leave you to your relaxation." In truth, he didn't want to leave yet. Maybe she sensed it. She stood up and said,
"I'm Annie. Annie Lambert."
"Hello, Annie Lambert." They shook hands. Her fingers were slender and surprisingly strong.
"And your name is?"
"Robie."
"Is that your first name or last name?"
"Last name. It's on the letterbox."
"And your first name?"
"Will."
"That was harder than it needed to be." She smiled. He involuntarily returned her smile.
"I'm not exactly the most outgoing person on earth."
Baldacci manages to describe a dance of the two characters here with a few lines of dialogue. What the characters don't say is what is just as important.For me, the subtext of the scene is that Robie, the lone wolf doesn't really want anyone in his life, but for some reason he is attracted to Annie Lambert, which goes beyond the obvious (She is an attractive young woman).In Thiemeyer, the two women shake hands:
They exchanged a warm handshake.
You can write it that way. It should probably mean that there is nothing unpleasant about the handshake. In other words: neutral.
Baldacci says:
They shook hands. Their fingers were slender and surprisingly strong.
With a little addition, we learn what Annie Lambert's hand felt like to Robie. Slender. So, typical of a woman's hand. But also surprisingly strong. Annie Lambert is not a shy person. She works in the White House. She knows what she wants and expresses it with her handshake.With that, you know a lot about the character without much explanation.In Thiemeyer's work, this is clarified for the character of Irene by the wrinkles around her mouth. One is optics, the other is haptics. Personally, as a reader, I can imagine a firm handshake better than inferring a person's personality from the wrinkles around their mouth. But to each his own.